Gabrielle’s Story

The disease hit me completely out of left field in 2010.

After many tests and possibilities eliminated, the diagnosis finally came: systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE).  Lupus is an incurable autoimmune disease, where your immune system starts to attack your own body (soft tissues and muscles, mostly).  They caught it early, which kept long-term organ damage at a minimum, but the inflammations that it gave caused me more pain than I had ever experienced before in my life (and that’s saying something).  It left me extremely weak and sore, to the point where, some days, I couldn’t even pick up a bowl to make myself cereal.  It also inflamed my skin to the point where wearing certain types of clothing could cause intense pain.  I also had the common lupus rash on my face, and hair loss and bruising.

It was the summer of 2013, almost four years after I had been diagnosed (and, in that time, done a Be Your Own Beautiful photoshoot that you can see here), that I began to realize and accept that Jesus is in the business of healing, and that my healing was about to come. On the morning of July 19^th, God informed me that my healing from lupus would come that night. I already had plans to go that evening with a friend of mine, Katie, to a Christian service – God’s perfect timing began to make sense.

As the speaker’s message came to a close that evening, they announced that they were going to go into prayer. The prayer turned into prophesying over people in the room, and I was the first person that they came to prophesy over. I, of course, thought: “This is it! This is my moment of healing!”

Though amazing words of prophecy were spoken over me, none were about healing. The speakers moved on to others, and I was left a bit confused. As the speakers continued praying for others, God instructed me to go and sit in the middle of the aisle. My flesh tried to rebel, but I did as I was instructed.

Shortly after, much to my dismay, the time of prayer ended and people were dismissed for the night – as I was still sitting in the middle of the floor as instructed by God.  As time went by, I became ever more distracted, because I really had to go to the bathroom. I asked God for permission, and upon being told I could get up, I went to the bathroom.  I then headed back out to the main room and God directed me to just remain standing and worship Him. So, in the middle of a chatty room, I did just that. I was so concentrated on Jesus that I was a bit startled when Katie came up to me with a pastor and told me that the pastor felt led to pray for me.

The pastor didn’t even get five words out before the Spirit took me under. Laying there on the ground, I had no control over my body – just my mind. I was simultaneously out-of-body and so hyper-aware of my body that I could feel the Holy Spirit’s presence heavily on me. I began to smell something cool and slightly sweet – like the ideal temperature for your lungs to breathe in, with just the right amount of scent. God informed me that it was the smell of His presence. As I was breathing in this smell, this sensation, I could feel the scent of God’s spirit filling up my lungs. I could physically feel my lungs begin to cool, and it felt as if they were being cleansed – as if all the impurities were being pushed out. As I meditated on this sensation, it began to spread out from my lungs and into my torso. Slowly but steadily, I could feel it spreading into my arms and legs, my fingers and toes. The disease was fleeing every cell of my body.

God spoke to me a few minutes later: “Just look at my Presence”. My eyes opened, fixated on the ceiling right above me, and I physically saw the Holy Spirit, just as I had physically felt and smelled Him. It looked like a mirage of heat rising from pavement on a hot summer’s day. This image was the exact length and width of my body. After several minutes, the Holy Spirit began to dissipate – both the smell and sight of Him – and I could feel myself coming back around.

Katie helped me to sit up, and as I did, breadcrumbs started to fall off of the front of my shoulders and out of my hair. Katie and I questioned what these were, and we received the answer at the same time, “It’s manna from Heaven!”  Katie’s next question was if I was supposed to eat it, and God immediately responded with “no”.  Several other people asked me the same thing later, and God continued to say “no.”

So when I got home later that night, I left it by my bed in a little plastic container.  No sooner did I start to relax into bed with worship music than God instructed me to eat the manna, giving me the word: “the manna is the exact amount of Heaven needed to complete your healing”.  I understood that this was to be done alone with God; between me and my Jesus – the only one who was with me through every single moment of my suffering with lupus.

So I ate the manna.  And I found that for the next several days, because I was ill every time I went to the bathroom, that the impurities and the disease of the lupus were gradually draining out of my body.  Interestingly enough, I was healed from the disease – it was stripped clean out of my body – but I wasn’t healed from the effects of it. It took several more months for my body to gain back the strength and muscle mass it had lost from years of illness.

Now though, well over a year later, I am lupus free! I have no disease, no symptoms, and my blood work is coming back cleaner and cleaner from any and all marks of lupus every time I get it done. Praise Jesus!

If you have any questions or comments for Gabrielle, she would be happy to talk to you via email at gabriellepeace@yahoo.com.

So it was two days before the start of production for my undergrad thesis film. I was standing outside of the equipment office, waiting for them to track down the camera I reserved.  That’s when the turning point came.

Ok, a little backstory.  During my hunt for a DP (film speak for director of photography), I prayed to God to show me who I should bring onto the project.  I had recently heard a message at church about Gideon and the process God took him through so he’d have only the best soldiers for the army he was to command. In the end it came down to a process of filtering out individuals who bore the wrong natures (Judges 7).  So I had that in mind when considering my 3 DP choices:

1.  Mr. Beautiful was a cinematographer that my producer recommended for his beautiful images, but he wasn’t interested in talking with me about anything. He just wanted to review my script and see my film reel before even discussing getting involved.

2.  The Spaniard was a hot-blooded auteur in his craft. He knew what his strengths were and was confident about his personal style. He also loved to carefully plan out what he does, which runs against my by-the-spirit attitude. I feel that the relationship between a director and a DP is equivalent to a vision and the expression of that vision, and being at odds about methodology is harmful to the health of such a creative symbiosis – not to mention that this DP could be explosive on set and impatient with crew members.

3.  Old Faithful was enthusiastic about talking with me and getting to know what I wanted to accomplish and how he could help me achieve that. His many videos were mostly documentaries filmed on-location, so he could go with the flow and allow unexpected things to happen, which is often how the spirit works. But the images he made were not impressive at all. He was considerably behind the quality of The Spaniard.

Nonetheless, I initially brought Old Faithful on board without even strongly considering the other two. But then, later, the Spaniard convinced me that I should not place the role of DP in the hands of a person who just makes “ok” images (as opposed to the Spaniard’s, which were really good). The Spaniard’s basic message was image skills over people skills. So then I brought the Spaniard on board instead.  However, I hesitated to tell Old Faithful that his services were no longer necessary. Something didn’t really seem settled about The Spaniard’s involvement.

So, back to the equipment office: The Spaniard and I were suddenly told that not only does the camera department have only one camera lens (not good), but also only one light for us (definitely not good). So we started chatting about gorilla-style lighting setups just before The Spaniard stepped out to “drop his car off”. He and my lighting technician were then supposed to come back together so we could finish our discussions.

Ten minutes after he left, I received a text message from him stating that he “respectfully” backs out of the project because it seemed “too impractical.” At least the lighting guy came back. But now I had to find a new DP in 48 hours.  Then, to add to things, the equipment office told me that the camera I reserved can’t be found and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Needless to say, I was in the deep end.  I had to find a new camera and new DP immediately, or the equipment I was checking out would be useless and the shoot would have to be cancelled.

In that moment of abandonment, I realized a peace. Up until that point, I was forcing my round, improvisatory self into a DP-carved square hole of careful planning, that just wasn’t me.  Now I just had to relax or sink, kind of like doing a back float. I realized that by being relaxed and worry-free, answers to problems would more readily come through the mind from the spirit and into the body.

Someone eventually gave me the number of a company who rented equipment at student-friendly rates.  As it happened, the rental package I found included a camera and a lens kit The Spaniard would have died for, and I received this camera package ten minutes after receiving The Spaniard’s “back out” text.

I then gave Old Faithful a call back – after a month of the directorial affair with The Spaniard. As it turned out, Old Faithful never knew I was looking elsewhere to fill his position. He’s been my faithful DP for the whole shoot and created some really stunning images.

Lesson learned: God knows the human heart and the true nature of all things. Whether you are hunting for a director of photography or a spouse, God will make sure you have the right guidance to find the right people when you pray and build an understanding of His ways of answering your prayers.

Theater is always looking for good stories to tell, and will go to great lengths to create fictitious storylines to entertain the masses. I’ve always wanted to do more than that – rather than an escape, I want to use theater to bring us to a more hopeful reality. And as a theater major with a Mennonite heritage, I felt particularly drawn to the real stories found in the book Martyr’s Mirror/The Bloody Theater. This 1660s-era book compiles the stories of Christian martyrs throughout the centuries, and I felt it would be worthwhile to write a short play using some of the true stories from the 1500s Netherlands as a starting point, and around them a fictitious storyline involving mystery, heroism, romance, and, of course, faith. And so, without further ado, I would like to share it with you. Don’t worry if you’re not “religious” – I didn’t write this play for “religious” people (what does “religion” mean, anyways?), I wrote it for everybody – cuz we all need to ask ourselves the deep questions at some point. Hope ya enjoy it  and are encouraged!

Click here to view the script in PDF

This article will probably not give you any advice you haven’t already heard.  “Don’t give up”, “Your words have power”, that’s basically going to be my point.  Yeah, I just gave away the ending.  If this article were a play, it would be of the tragedy genre – my point is going to be not so much how it ends, but how it gets there.

I want to show you how I’ve come to such a state of optimism by citing my personal journals.  Because, you know, reading my old journals has pretty much silenced all this talk about “we’ll never get what we want” for me.  This might sound crazy, but I’m telling you straight up: pretty much everything I have wanted and dreamed of in years past I’ve either already gotten, am on the road to getting it, or I was given the opportunity but then realized I didn’t really want it after all.

Sound too good to be true?  Well, here’s the proof.  A few years ago I drew up a a two-column chart consisting of quotes from my past journals on the left, and what has happened since the time it was written on my right.  A before-after kind of thing.  This is not exhaustive by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it makes its point, so take a look (and for reference, I am 22 years old at this point):

To take it a step further, I started a dreams list two and a half years ago, inspired by a teaching by Danny Silk.  Basically it was a bucket list consisting of everything I could possibly ever want to do before I die.  I came up with about 30 things then (doesn’t sound like a lot, but hey, YOU to try it…no actually, try it, it’s cool), and have added about 10 since then.  Of these, I’ve already been to Africa, I’ve already slept on a beach, explored a sunken ship, (sort of) learned to surf, started producing music, learned graphic design, seen lots of people healed by the power of God, and more…as for the rest, I’m in the process of doing many of them right now, such as “be self-sufficient and yet able to travel at will, creating income not requiring specific work hours”, “Be able to fix vehicles”, “Learn to cook and bake with anything”, “See revival happen in the places I grew up”, “Produce films”, “Write a play”…Heck, I’m even doing one today – “learn to swing dance”!  Remember, these are LIFE GOALS, and I only started this 2 years ago.  At this rate I’ll be bored silly by the time I’m 30!

Now let me clarify – this article is not an infomercial about how amazing my life is.  I only use myself because I know myself better than I know anyone else, so I know the whole story of how I got from where I was to where I am now.  But I realize, a lot of people don’t feel such utter hopefulness.  Maybe experiences have worn you down, some dreams have been crushed.  I’m not saying that’s not a struggle, and I’m not saying there’s not some disappointments.  I know that it’s not all roses and picnics, especially if something you’re seeking has to do with another person – because of course, you can never control them – you can only be responsible for yourself.

But I’d like to offer some other observations, from hindsight on looking at my own life so far, on why I think people live with such lack of hope.  Because, you see, I don’t think it’s, er…hopeless.  I’m convinced that we’re not just victims of our circumstance; here’s some reasons why I think people live like victims anyways:

A. They forget what they’ve been praying/seeking after because they don’t keep track of that sort of thing, or

B. They throw in the towel too early on dreams, treating life like a sprint and not a marathon, or

C. They hope for stupid things (in other words, they don’t look at the deeper reason why they want something in the first place – for example, many desire a girlfriend/boyfriend just because that’s where they get their identity, when they don’t realize that God is the only one who can give us our true worth…more on that here), or

D.  (And this is the one everyone’s heard but most people don’t actually listen to) They don’t want something bad enough.

To understand where I’m coming from, you have to know that I stripped my life down to its very core for a year and did pretty much nothing but work, read the Bible, pray, and study the lives of amazing world-changers.  I don’t live my life for myself, at the mercy of my every impulsive fleeting desire.  I live to please God, and I believe that the Lord put desires in all of us that He wants to accomplish – through His power and in His timing.  I’ve found the key to it all is Psalm 34:7 – Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.  It’s for real, folks.

So my suggestion would be to take that “victims of circumstance” list and do the opposite.  I dare you.  See if it doesn’t change things, even if it takes time.  Be encouraged, friends. Life’s not over if you don’t let it be.  Do this thing with the Lord and we will make our future selves proud.

The tongue holds the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)

You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. (James 4:3)

I was recently dragged kicking and screaming to a place that didn’t make a lot of logical sense to me – university.  Considering the bad economy, degrees declining in value, not knowing what I wanted to take, that I was enjoying my job, and felt pretty old to be a freshman, this almost seemed like a joke.  However, God’s incessant door-opening (apparently two girls at school here had been praying all last year for male leaders to rise up here, and I also had been praying that I would be out of Lancaster by the end of the year. You do the math) caused me to finally give in.  The story that brought me here is quite lengthy, so I will only mention that the final Gideon’s blanket I laid before God was for Him to find me housing with other people who have the same heart as me for the Lord.  What I thought was His answer ended up falling through 3 weeks before school was to start…Yet as I sit here in a brand new apartment and reflect on the conversations and prayers that have happened here even in the past couple days, I cannot help but marvel at how God brought my living arrangements together in a way that only He can do.

I found our house a week before school started.  I first met my roommates the day before school started, and we moved into our place on North 18th Street Philadelphia 10 hours before my first class.  To say it was haphazard would be an understatement, but here’s the crazy thing: each of my roommates – representing Lancaster PA, Ghana, and Kenya – are passionately in love with the Lord.  Somehow we’ve all been reading the same books, following the same revivalists, and gunning to change the world with the truth of Jesus.

I love the culture here.  We are constantly praying, studying the Bible, listening to testimonies and sermons, and having people over.  And did I mention we live smack in the middle of the neighborhood where all the students go to smoke, drink and fight on the weekend?  This past Saturday we hosted a potluck at our house, and after an amazing time of ministry inside we sat on our front steps, played worship songs and ministered to the partiers who were walking by.  I cannot tell you how many amazing things happened that night.  I feel I am learning more of what it means to be a “light of the world”.  Cuz you really do stand out.  Someone prophesied that our house would be an oasis, and that is exactly what God’s turning this place into.

As for school itself, it has moments of fascination, but my biggest learning moments come from the simply interacting with people outside of my little bubble.  I get to talk with Jews, Muslims, and atheists.  And guess what?  They don’t seem to even have a grid for people like us – because, in all likelihood, they’ve never met people like us (this calls for an article on what “religion” really means…coming soon!).

It makes me wonder – what would happen if we have just one Christian professor here?  Or even just a few students in each class that really knew who Jesus is?  There is a wealth of opportunity here.  And so much brainwashing and lies get fed to these kids – why?  Could it be because no one is here to call people out on it?  One of my profs actually encouraged us to speak out if we disagreed with things she said.  They gift-wrap opportunities for us.  I got a writing assignment this week in which I have to write about a time I faced a challenge and overcame it.  AKA: share a testimony.   I don’t understand how Christians can stay satisfied being in our own little groups.  This is where the battle is.

I wonder if I’m feeling a little more like the apostles did when they entered a place that’s been totally unevangelized?  Not that it is completely barren, but moreso than any place I’ve been before.  And that excites me.  Being here on the edge, that excites me.  There is something so revitalizing about trailblazing.

God’s also touched me in a few really powerful ways; I don’t think the time is right to share what He’s been showing me yet, it feels too fresh – but I want to encourage you to just stay focused in God and don’t give up on those things that you’ve been seeking after!

I don’t know about my future in theater, but as I wrote in my journal on the first day of school, this is where I’m supposed to be.  And that’s all I need to know.  I pray that you also will find yourself at the center of God’s will – where your greatest passion and the world’s greatest needs meet.  Just thought I’d write this to update everyone on the goings on and encourage you all to find a battlefront and keep at it.  Much love to all who are supporting us here, miss you!  Rock on!

Well, I just finished reading your article, and I first want to say that the issue is wecomed in my realm, since this is a hot topic for me, as you know….

I have travelled all across the US (last year, four times, between PA and CA!), and I’ve attended alot of churches, met alot of pastors, and members of congregations.

Including, most of the churches here in Santa Cruz, CA…..

And my conclusion is this….

That the MAJORITY of churches, which includes the pastors and congregations, are hypocrits.

There is a VERY small percentage, and I mean VERY SMALL! percentage of ppl who are involved in the church who actually have Jesus in their hearts, truly. If I had a dollar for every person who claimed to be a Christian….

In all my 48 years of being alive, I can honestly say that I’ve truly met only ONE pastor, who is actually true to the Bible….

He was in a place called, Wickenburg, AZ. Hotter than a chile pepper on a hot tin, roof, the place was….

I had just embarked on my second, no, third, trip across the US. (I had met a guy online who promised me land, a place to live, etc…in Texas.)….And by the time I reached L.A., he had flaked on me. So, what to do? So, I was thinking about heading either to PA or continue to TX on my own. So, I had trouble making up my mind, and wound up taking a “back road,” throught the desert in AZ. Scary, yes, but it turned out to be a rather lovely picturesque drive thru the desert. I had made up my mind that I would drive until the sun went down, since it was a Saturday, and the Sabbath was approaching (I honor the Sabbath from sundown Saturday till sundown on Sunday.) So, just as the sun was going down, I reached this little town called, Wickenburg, AZ. I spent the night, as usual, in my car, in a parking lot. Across the street, was a church, and I decided that I would attend that church Sunday morning. And I did. Afterwards, I asked to speak to the pastor. Oh, first of all, as he was presenting his sermon, I noticed that it wasn’t just him speaking, he would invite comments and opinions from the audience. So, I raised my hand, and he responded politely. I can’t remember if we agreed or not. But afterwards, I asked him if he knew of a place that I could simply take a shower. Well, he said he would do more than that, he would put me up in a nice hotel, that had a hot tub and swimming pool, and an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet, in the morning. Let me tell you something….nobody, and I mean NOBODY, not even my own family, has ever responded with such an amazing gesture over a simple request for a shower. Seriously.

As you know, or I think I’ve told you, I have encountered alot of opposition for my faith, which is precisely the reason that I am homeless. It’s not because I lack faith. I know that our faith is tested on a daily basis, and it IS a war, a spiritual war, a war that we have to fight on multiple battlefields, and fronts, sometimes.

I have been beaten, dragged, poisoned, starved, jailed, etc….for my faith.

And yes, in spite of those moments, the miracles were that I knew God/Jesus was right there, holding my hand. Even days that I felt my body dying from starvation, it was like, He took the pain of it away.

And yes, I am still homeless, but I am grateful, that every night I go to sleep, I sleep in peace, I sleep well, and I’m happy. I am fed now.

I’m doing pretty well, actually, with my meager means.

I know that Jesus could provide me with a house, if he wants to. But right now, he’s not, for whatever reason.

The Bible does promise riches and glory, long life, etc…if you follow him.

That’s not why I do, although that’s a benefit. The reason I do, is because I know that he is the ONLY way! There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that anyone can put their faith into! Not money, not people, not houses, cars….nothing! There is absolutely nothing that I can count on in this life, except Jesus! He is the only one who has never let me down!

But my point is, I have attended alot of churches, met alot of pastors, congregations….so-called “friends,” who declared their undying love and devotion to me. But when I needed help, was a single one of them helpful! No! Not a single one! Sure, they give me books to read, bags and boxes of expired canned goods that cost more gas to lug around and make me vomit. Dried beans, rice….etc, that are more aggravating than anything else. But when I ask pastors, friends, congregations for a specific need, sometimes even just a parking lot to park in at night, the answer is, “No.” They hand me a pile of garbage, instead. I suppose that eases their conscience, I dunno.

one pastor, in Wickenburg, AZ, actually did above and far beyond my simple request! I even told him a little bit about my past, which he didn’t even bat an eye about!

So, I know for a fact, that 99.9% of all the so-called, “Christians,” I meet, including pastors, are full of malarky.

I pray that Jesus blesses that pastor beyond his imagination for what he did for me.

That’s what I believe, is a true pastor, a true Christian.

And then, just to add, the other side of the coin is….

I recently, within the past few months, asked a pastor about an auto mechanic ministry for widows and unwed mothers that they advertised at the church where I got baptized. And he said, “Yes.” Well, I originally thought it was simply members of the church who volunteered their time to fix cars for ppl who couldn’t afford it.

But he told me that the church simply pays for the work. So, first he sent me on a wild goose chase looking for a reliable, honest mechanic that would do the work at a fair price. All his recommendations turned out to be lousy. Especially the last one, who I agreed to go with. Oh my gosh, that mechanic….talk about strife! I’m not even going to go into all the details, but at the end of the day, I had wished I had simply purchased the part myself, from Auto Zone, and paid a Mexican to do it. Even though I am basically racist, too!

Now this was a pastor, who travels all over the world, to third-world countries, evangelizing.

Yes, he has probably acquired many frequent-flyer miles, I’m sure. Perhaps he may even complain about airplane food, or lack of sleep, you know, “hahaha!”

But like Jesus said, “You travel across land and sea to make one convert, so you can turn him into half the son of hell that you are!”

Now, I’m not saying this to you, Nathan, I’m saying this in general. When people don’t help people in their own back yards, but book flights all over the world…..

Another example, is I need to get my old skool fillings removed before my teeth crumble. I don’t have health insurance anymore, and it will cost me $2,500.00 cash to get it all done. So, this same church also has a so-called, “dentist” ministry. Well, when I inquired about it, the girl was so flaky about it, I decided not to even waste my time or my patience. But again, they spend thousands of dollars (it’s a “mega-church”) to travel all over the world so they can go to Ethiopia and perform dental procedures on the blacks over there who are starving. (Meanwhile, Beyonce and Jay-Z are buying million dollars cars that they smash via Youtube, that they think is hilarious!)

So, I guess that’s my point.

P.S…And there’s something else that I want to add, that I wholeheartedly agree with you about: And that is, that God does intend for us to live in paradise. That the capabilities are within us, and the blessings are within reach, that we can truly find our paradise.

SIDE NOTE:

If you are interested in supporting my friend, she has informed me that she does artwork on commission.  If you live in the Santa Cruz area and would like more info (or even if you don’t live near there), please get in contact with me and I can forward your information to her. Be blessed!

I have begun to realize that every time I have truly put my trust in God to take me where He wants to take me in life, God ups the ante the next time  around.  It started when I knew I wanted to go to Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry in 2009, but had no car and no place to stay in California.  I prayed for three long months to find the place I had envisioned in my mind (I had some very specific requirements, and the devil tried to tell me I was too picky).  But then, a few months before the school started, I got a car and a place to stay within 24 hours of each other.  I called this Level 1 because, though it would have been sad had I not gained the car and house, I would have probably just stayed in dorms in a nearby university and bummed a ride to school, so it wouldn’t have been a total loss.

Level 2 happened when I was about halfway through my school year at Bethel.  I was set to run out of money in about a month and could not land a job anywhere.  I could, potentially, have to pack up and leave California prematurely.  I remember sitting in the Wal-Mart parking lot, frustrated at being rejected everywhere and tired of trying.  So I wrote a poem there in my car which you can read here, in which I told God that I was just going to let Him take care of it.  That evening my parents called, and though I didn’t disclose my financial struggles, they told me that a few years back my grandparents had actually set aside a sum of money for me to use in school, and they wanted to send me some.  Booyeah!

Level 3 was about a year later.  Similar issue – no money – but the situation was slightly different.  I had been invited to go to Africa, but was completely broke 3 months before the trip and needed close to $3500.  What’s more, I felt God tell me to not even worry about getting a job, but rather just minister wherever I could.  Oh yes, and, I wasn’t going to fundraise.  So…I ended up working two minimum-wage jobs where I got to meet people where they were at and share the goodness of God.  This didn’t earn near enough to cover the trip expenses.  About three weeks before my plane was set to leave, I got the bill for my airfare, which came out to $1483.  That same evening, I met with some friends to whom I had ministered at an earlier time, and they said they would like to donate towards my trip.  The cheque they wrote was for – no joke – $1500.

I believe I’m actually in Level 4 right now, if I may be transparent.  You see, the first three levels were all things that I had a vision for, and I could stand on God’s word till they came to pass.  That’s become pretty straightforward.  But now, I’m dealing with not even actually knowing what God’s word is for this time in life.  In a sense this is much more difficult, because it means constantly fighting feelings of inadequacy, of missing purpose in life, being lazy, and not being able to hear God’s voice.  I have a vision for doing many different things in life, but as of now none of these seem to be working out.  Since I know God grants the desires of the heart to those who delight in Him (Psalm 37:4), I am being patient and not selling out to something less.

For example, I had three interviews this week for a job I had been hoping to get, but I just found out I didn’t land it.  From an earthly perspective this would be quite difficult.  But when I look at it with the mind of Christ, I find myself completely unconcerned!  It’s an incredible thing to live from the reality of being seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6) knowing that there can only be something better in store.  This was simply a test, an upping of the ante, and it will pay off in the end.

With the grace given me for this time, I want to encourage anyone who feels as though they are in a valley with some practical tips I’ve used to make it to the next level.

First off, don’t romanticize the past.  Remember, Israel in the desert continually talked about their “great” experience in Egypt, when God had something just around the corner for them better than they could have ever imagined.

Second, don’t feed yourself on what God hasn’t done.  Be honest with God (you can’t fool Him anyway), but don’t become bitter.  Jesus took three days to get to the sick Lazarus, and by the time he got there, Lazarus had died.  Just think – if Lazarus’ family had gotten offended at Jesus when He didn’t arrive on their schedule, they would have missed one of the most ridiculous miracles in Jesus’ ministry!

Third – “There are no problems, only opportunities.”  Get it.

Finally, find some promises in the Bible, and get some specific things to pray towards.  Psalm 32:8, Matthew 7:7, Matthew 6:33 are a few I’ve drawn from lately.  Don’t be afraid to ask for specific things if they are to help you love the world!  I’ve been praying for a Macbook Pro, and I believe this is not with selfish motives (John 15:7).

Our future selves will thank us for not selling out for less than what God has for us.  So if any of y’all are going through what I currently am, just know you’re not alone.  So be encouraged and prepare to change the world!

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to join ranks with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much, nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”
-Theodore Roosevelt, Chicago, 1905. “The Strenuous Life.”

Most of my South Africa team has already written great reports on our month-long excursion.  I, being a little late hopping on the bandwagon, will refer you to some of their writings throughout this article, and fill in the gaps with my own perspectives on what I experienced and learned on the other side of the world.

Quick rundown of purpose of trip: Matthew 28:19-20 – Jesus said, “Go and make disciples of all nations…teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”  Simple, straightforward, and pretty open-ended.  Dennis, our fearless leader, established connections in SA when he first came 6 months ago.  That’s about all I knew going into the trip, along with the fact that Jesus lives in us and wants to get out…

Yahweh Jireh Strikes Again

I have to share quickly how the Lord enabled me to go on this trip, because it still amazes me.  I came home  to Pennsylvania in mid-December, so broke I couldn’t even buy a vowel.  I spent two weeks with the Lord asking Him how money was going to come about for my trip, which was only three months away.  I felt Him say I didn’t even need to get a job, but to do what will help spread the Kingdom.  I picked two minimum wage jobs up, and that covered half my expenses.  But I received the airfare bill in mid-March, which came out to $1483 – a sum I didn’t even have in the rest of my savings.

I declared that I would have the money in three days.  That evening we went to visit some friends of ours who we had ministered to and who had also been a blessing to us.  After a wonderful visit they handed me an envelope – inside, a cheque for $1500 towards my trip.  I hadn’t told them anything about my financial situation, but God had!  That is good news.

Meeting with MCC South Africa

After spending two weeks in Kenya, I flew down to Johannesburg and spent a day there before my final destination on the South Coast.  I spent my time in Joburg with the Mennonite Central Committee Coordinators for Southern Africa, Bruno & Lois Baerg.  They were wonderful hosts, especially considering how busy they were.

Bruno also shared with me  from his years of experience in Africa regarding mission trips.  He said something that I found a little unsettling at first.  He told me, “Don’t come and force people to change.  Realize you may not have all the answers because you don’t yet know all the questions.  To make a lasting impact can take years.  Come to learn.” My charismatic-tuned ears were not used to this kind of thinking, but in retrospect I realize this was sage advice for us in the days to come.

Introduction to South Coast

I had a joyful reunion with my team/friends that evening in Durban (Travis can introduce you to the crew here).  Driving in the back of a truck with no seatbelts was fun…the first few times…(but thanks to Brandon’s workout scheme developed a few weeks later, enthusiasm was revamped).  About the time I arrived, our team was given a free villa in Ramsgate for the rest of our stay.  This came in handy in so many ways – yet definitely not the Africa many of us imagined!

One of Dennis’ main contacts was a 60-person church called Mighty River Ministries.  Connected with them was a group of teenagers, easily recognized by their T-shirts dubbing them the “God Squad”.  By the end of the trip they had become the focal point of most of our discipleship.  Preparing them for success took on many forms – taking them to Port Shepstone hospital and praying for everyone there (some testimonies here), having them over for a brie (SA BBQ), having some Jehovah’s Witnesses over to discuss eternity and frankincense, and spending one-on-one time with them.

En Masse in Massenengah

However, the biggest project we undertook with them was ministry in local squatter camp called Massenengah.  This was the Africa many of us imagine – shacks made out of tin and stolen signboards, kids and chickens running around and playing in the dirt, trash and sewage everywhere.  As far as we knew, no other ministries had been working there, so we began going door to door and looking for people to heal and share Jesus with.

We had heard this was the place murderers and rapists went to hide from the law, but we were actually welcomed by virtually everyone we met.  We saw many people get healed – a paralyzed baby started kicking, a stroke victim started walking again, many pains and sores healed up.  Travis shares a lot of these testimonies here.  As we talked to people the idea came to start having church meetings in the camp.  So we cleared out an area and brought in forty chairs, and planned a service.

The first meeting we had every seat was filled.  Okay, it was by 4-year-old kids mainly…but hey, it’s a start.  We had the God Squad lead worship in their own language, and Brandon preached.  The second time we met, one of the God Squad got to preach.  It was good, but there were even less adults there the second time, and I think we might have been a little over the kid’s heads.

Lessons Learned

Unfortunately, our team ran out of time to help with more meetings.  By the time we had gotten things running we had to fly home.  On top of this, we found out that there apparently was actually another ministry in Massenengah, and there could have potentially been damage done to local relationships.  We also had to sit down and talk with local leadership to address misconceptions about our “church” and its intentions; no harm was done as it was mostly due to miscommunication.  Yet I couldn’t help but think of what I had heard in Joburg: “Don’t come and force change.  Come to learn.”

Yesterday I was thinking, you know how easy it is to do kick flips on a skateboard if you don’t have to land them?  (Not that I’d know or anything…)  It looks cool – if you don’t watch how it ends.  In the same way, I was thinking about how when we minister we must be sure that we are aimed towards “fruit that will last” (John 15:16) – not just to do miracles and stuff that looks cool.

It was also troubling as to why none of our newfound friends showed up at the church meetings.  I know this was partially due to lack of communication, and not understanding the culture as well.  But a friend named Luvo that we met in East London had another perspective: “Everyone in Africa knows there’s a supernatural, it’s not a theory or list of ideas.  Ancestral worship involves tangible experiences.  You can’t just heal people, you must be the answer to their questions.”  Sound familiar?

Many of those we met in Massenegah did not have jobs, many struggled with drugs and alcohol.  We’ve been realizing it can take a long time of walking with people to help them break free from old mindsets.  This is what will bring them to the Lord.  Bill Johnson said it like this: “The church has a habit of answering questions that the world isn’t asking.  That’s why God told Saul where to find his donkeys – so that it would create an opportunity for God to show him all that was on his heart (1 Samuel 9:19-20)”.  I’ve realized that in a country across the world, it takes time and a lot of understanding of the other person’s needs to show them the Lord, and it can look quite a bit different than it does in America.  I wrote in my journal before the trip: “Maybe we won’t get credit in America for what we do, cuz our best work might not be glamorous.  But God will know.”

Certainly we made an impact in Massenengah – we left it in the hands of some young people who can change the world, and we know how even a single encounter can change someone’s life.  But as Brandon points out in his article, probably the most lasting fruit from Massenengah was that it created a great discipleship opportunity for the God Squad and others we brought with us to learn.  In fact we ended up taking two “unchurched”  friends we met in downtown Margate to the camp with us, and by the end they were excited to pray for people too!

Personal Highlights

We had many other wonderful times in South Africa.  Personal highlights for me included doing prison ministry, where they would stick us in a cell with 20 high-risk juveniles or sick middle-aged men, and we preached the gospel and healed the sick.  I would say they were some of the most hungry people for Jesus of all those we met in SA!  Being able to host people at our villa was also amazing, especially our good friends who came 8 hours on a bus from Joburg!

One last note was an interesting encounter that Travis and I had while playing pool in downtown Margate one evening.  We went with no intention to do ministry, and yet ended up discipling a guy named Gerard for two hours – a guy who had a passion for God but no support and no direction.  This experience I think confirmed for me something that we have been thinking all along – it’s not about street ministry, it’s about making real relationships with people and walking with them.

(This was some fun we had in Hemingways Mall in East London)

Wrapping Up

Aside from the links I mentioned earlier, check out Dennis and Sue’s experiences and thoughts from the trip.  I only hit on basically one aspect; I could talk about much more, but I presume that if it is truth it will be coming out sooner or later anyways – this article is long enough!

We saw many good things in Africa.  Mighty River Ministries has asked us to adopt their church and use it whenever to further the Kingdom.  Sue is heading back in 2012 and the rest of us will likely be following soon.  So things move ahead, and as they do let’s always remember to put God first, be the answer to the questions that others are asking, and always come to learn.  Live it real.

With the realities of North America quickly sinking in, I’d like to share what I saw and learned on my 6 week trip to Africa while it’s still fresh in my memory.  Part one was two weeks spent in Kenya, and as you may have deduced from the title, that’s where I’ll begin.

I traveled to the city of Nakuru with 6 people from Living Truth Fellowship in Christiana, Pennsylvania.  Our goal was mainly to assist our hosts Pastor Patrick Thuo and his wife Lucy with a women’s conference and a youth conference at their church, The Lord’s Sanctuary.

Mennonite Guest House

Our first night in Kenya was actually spent at the Mennonite Guest House in Nairobi.  This was quite an enjoyable time for me, especially knowing that my mother had passed through this same place on her Africa travels years ago.  But there were a few more fun things thrown into the mix.  At breakfast, I ended up sitting with a family who were not only from Alberta, Canada (right next to my home province), but were connected to Bethel Church (where I went to school the year before) and worked at Eagle’s Nest Ranch, which is where one of my friends had just applied for a job.  Later, the man at the front desk took a look at my last name and said, “I know someone with that last name.”  I thought, “No you don’t.  There’s only 4 people in the world with that last name.”  He said, “Her name is Kate?”  …Ah, that would be my sister.  Apparently this guy went to Canadian Mennonite University with her.  Small world, or Mennonite world, or God was having fun…probably a bit of all.

In Nakuru

While in Nakuru, we lodged at the Jumuia Guest House, another Christian-run hotel of sorts.  Having Christian businesses and organizations is actually pretty normal in Kenya.  As you drive down the street you can see many signs that include Christian elements – “Blessed Butchery”, “Redeemed Salon”, “Kingdom Chemist”.  That last one is a pharmacy, if you were wondering.  But this is not to say Kenya is problem-free.  I’m told it’s better off than many other African countries, but there is much to be done there yet.  Poverty, unemployment, neglect and abuse – all were things we came against during the conferences.

I must note that Kenyan hospitality is top-notch.  Everyone was so kind to us strange white people.  In the Nakuru streets, little kids would run to me, grinning and yelling “mzungu!” (white person) and shake my hand.  Our hosts made us special meals, different than everyone else’s during the conference.  In fact, they installed a toilet at the church just before we got there so us Americans wouldn’t have to use squatty potties!  Most importantly (for me, anyways), the Jumuia Guest House daily let me use the receptionist’s computer so that I could update on our status via facebook.

Not to mention my friend Carl, who came to my rescue during part of the women’s conference when I was starting to feel intimidated by the minuscule amount of male specimens present.  He volunteers full-time at a program called Youths Organization for International Volunteers, and helps lead the  youth at the Lord’s Sanctuary.

The Conferences

The conferences were four days each, with 2 – 4 sessions a day and ending Sunday morning with church.  People came from all over; we were told that forty of the youths walked 6 miles to get to their conference.  They were hungry to see God!

And, as Jesus said, “anyone who seeks will find”.  After the conferences, we heard people say things like “I will never be the same”, “I feel so happy”, “I have renewed joy”, etc.  Members of our team, along with local leaders, taught from a variety of themes, but I think the ones that hit home the most revolved around hope and love.  I mean, some of the ladies were coming from homes where their husbands didn’t believe in Jesus, kids were going wild, and alcoholism was a big issue.  One woman – a pastor, actually – had had 4 deaths in her family recently, and her daughter had had 3 kids out of wedlock, which is a big deal in Kenya.  She got rocked when someone prayed for her, as did plenty of other women.

The sick were also healed.  Everybody with pain in their lower back had their legs grown out to relieve the pressure, and they testified they were instantly healed.  Two people got healed of wrist pain, another got healed of deafness, and I remember seeing some demons manifest but didn’t hear the final outcome of those stories.  This was exciting stuff, but I think their main need was for discipleship on having faith and hope, which I believe they got.

A Few Testimonies

The youth conference was very dear to me.  Being the youngest one on my team by 20 years, I was able to fit in more readily with them.  I got my first opportunity to preach, so I hit on our identity in Christ, what we’re supposed to do with it, and then a bit on what faith looks like.  This one I had planned pretty well out.  But when I was asked the next day to speak again, I didn’t map it out as well.  I just had the verse, “Delight yourself in God, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).

It was going good; preaching without notes can be so helpful if you have a passion for what you’re talking about.  But about halfway through, I remembered a dream I had had the night before.  I closed my eyes and began describing the sense I had from the dream – an anchor, falling forever, and a ship lost at sea.  I began talking about how God the Father sees us and longs to draw us into his embrace.  The feelings of the Father’s love for the youths overwhelmed me, and I started crying.  Man, I can feel that even now as I write this.  God LOVES you guys…believe it!

I had to sit down, I was really bawling.  Someone began to play piano, and God basically just took over.  I don’t know how many people He touched then, but I know it was more than just me.  The next day a 13-year-old girl shared with some of my teammates a bit of her story.  She got good grades in school, but her father would carelessly toss aside her report card.  She had a performance mentality when it came to receiving love, but it wasn’t working.  But while God was moving the day before, she said she saw a vision of what she described as “a man in white holding out his arms to me”.  Sound familiar?  My teammates explained to her who this Man was, and they got to embrace her as from God Himself.  Yay God!

Lots of other amazing things happened.  Pastor Mary called up the youngest youth at the conference at one point to illustrate how God can use young people.  A 10-year-old girl came forward, and Mary loved on her, and called her beautiful and lovely.  We later found out that that girl had been recently beaten by her family because she had refused to do a tribal ceremony because of her faith in Jesus, so it was pretty rockin’ that she got called up.  The last night of the youth conference turned into one of those “let the bodies hit the floor” kind of meetings – everyone who got prayed for was touched with the power of God.  Another time, one of our teammates got to go preach at a prison and 30 people got saved.   Yes, lots of good stories to recount…

A quick note though before I finish up.  I always wondered if it was easier in Africa than it is in America to spread the Kingdom.  After this trip, though I can’t make a final judgment, I feel strongly that it doesn’t matter where you are.  Revival will happen anywhere people are willing to do what Jesus called us to do.

http://youtu.be/kOdR3WM5SEw
Yes, Kenya.  It was a hopping time (literally.  Check out the video).  We even got to see lions on our safari, right off the bat, which is apparently rare.  But there is much work still to be done in the lovely country of Kenya, and many possibilities await in the future there.  Next up I will recount South Africa, and from there we move on.  Mungu awabariki!  Live it real.

Check out more photos from my trip here.

I asked the Lord for help, and He delivered me from all my fears.  Psalm 34:4

I was once a woman full of fear, so heavily weighed down by fears that I was near death.  But the Lord Jesus looked at me, called me “Daughter,” and set me free–and continues to set me free.  I want to give God all the glory for His amazing work in my life, and share my story in the hope that it will encourage you and let you know there is always hope in Jesus.

At the age of eleven I accepted Jesus as my Saviour, but I did not know the power of His life and His words.  I grew up longing to know that I was loved, but I did not know that that was what lay buried under my drive to perform in order to receive the attention that would assure me of being accepted.  I did Christian things, very sincerely, but the foundation of my life was weak; it was built mainly on what I could do for God (or so I thought) using my own human strength.

At age forty-seven the house of my life, built on sand, began to collapse.  I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer; my thyroid was removed; and I was given radioactive iodine capsules to swallow in hopes of killing stray cancer cells.  The radiation was very hard on my body, and I began a descent into extreme fatigue and exhaustion that was eventually labelled chronic fatigue syndrome and lasted for the next ten years.  During that time my children grew from elementary school kids to nearly completing high school.  My heart broke a thousand times over my inability to be there for them and care for them as a normal mother would.

At my worst I could do nothing at all, not even read, which is one of the great joys of my life.  I remember how wonderful it felt at one point to have just enough strength to lie perfectly flat and motionless on my bed and read a book lying on the floor near my head.  I could manage this for maybe 2 hours a day.  The merest effort, including trying to be present to visitors, could tip me into nausea and the soaking sweat of exhaustion.  But there were times when I gained a little strength and I could attempt more.  A huge challenge was meals for my family.  Often I would have to lie down on the floor of our kitchen between steps of a simple meal.  Many times I struggled to make a meal on my knees because I was too weak to stand.  To make the simplest meal was a huge triumph for me, even if I was too exhausted to sit at the table and eat with my family afterwards!

The church we had been attending was kind and they cared, but they did not know how to help me.  The medical system too was kind, and tried to help me, but they also did not have answers.  We turned to alternative health options and spent thousands of dollars we could hardly spare, but there was no significant help here either; in fact, I often got worse.  At times, after long periods of almost complete rest, I would be better, but my threshold for over-doing and causing a relapse was so low that even a cold could send me to bed for months.

Along the way, however, my husband and I encountered people who believed and experienced that Jesus heals today!  We were excited.  Our whole family began pursuing the words of Jesus with regard to healing.  We searched for a church that would help us grow in this and found one that taught us much and blessed us greatly.  I was prayed for many times–yet still I struggled with debilitating fatigue, although overall I was functioning better.  But a decisive crisis was still ahead.  Ten years after this battle began, I crashed into perhaps the worst relapse of my life.  Too exhausted even to eat, and utterly worn-down by the struggle, I felt that death was near.  One morning my husband came to me in my bed and said, “There is a Be In Health conference in two days in Calgary.  We have to go.”  I told him I could not; I felt the effort would finish my life.  He insisted vigorously.  I felt a deep anguish; what was I to do?  I called my sister; praise the Lord that she was home and answered her phone, for this was my last chance.  She said to me, in effect:  You must go.  There is nothing to fear; you will only experience the goodness of God.

I have thought of and repeated the words, “No fear; only goodness,” hundreds and hundreds of times since then.  I did not know it then, but my sister was describing a part of the character of God to me in exactly the words I needed to hear at that time.  My husband and I went to the conference, with me lying on the backseat of the car for the seven-hour drive.  I attended sessions lying flat on a collapsible lounge chair.  What I heard was transformative: that God does indeed heal; God longs to heal, but sometimes there is a spiritual root to illness that must be dealt with before healing can flow.  The root of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I learned, was fear and anxiety producing drivenness to meet the expectation of someone in order to “measure up” and receive love.  Simply put, I needed to repent of basing my life on fear, the weapon of satan, and receive by faith all that God was waiting to give me.  My spiritual eyes were opened and  I began the switch from a fear-based life to a faith-based one.  There was so much for me to un-learn, and learn anew, but the effect in my body was immediate and amazing.  By the end of the weekend, I was much stronger physically; and I knew that the miracle of grace and restoration in my body, mind, and spirit that I desperately desired for so long had truly begun and would endure.  The whole foundation of my life had shifted.

One amazing memory of that weekend was taking back the foods that had been stolen.  You see, during the years of my exhaustion I had progressively stopped eating more and more kinds of foods because doctors would say they were bad for me.  Meals were drudgery, because I had been conditioned to look at them with fear.  Then one of the speakers at the conference said that God made ALL foods and that we were invited by Him to freely enjoy them all – including milk and honey, or sugar, which were often the first two ingredients CFS sufferers are told to give up.  So, after eating almost no sugar for years, my husband took me to Dairy Queen and I had a hot fudge sundae!  It was so good, and I enjoyed every bite, and I did not get sick.

On the way home, I sat in the front seat with my husband!  I had not done this for years.  What a thrill to be strong enough to sit for hours–and not have to lie down.

So much has changed since then. I am strong and healthy, and I praise God for His goodness to me.  Today one of my most thrilling things to do is to STAND with my arms RAISED UP to my glorious Redeemer and SING praise to Him for the miracles in my life.  Do you realize what an extraordinary thing it is to have the strength to stand while raising your arms while singing?  For years I could not do any of those–now I do all three at once!  I give God all the praise and glory, and my deep desire is that you too would know the love and power of our Lord Jesus to meet and heal your deepest losses, wounds, shame and sickness.  In God there is no fear, only goodness.  Be blessed and whole in Him!