NOTE (1/12/18): We’re all learning and growing.  Some of the stuff I’ve written in these old posts may no longer be exactly what I believe or think, or at least may not be articulated the way I’d do it nowadays.  I preserve them in an attempt it to be transparent about my journey, and in the hopes that readers may still glean some insight from the core ideas found here.  Thanks for journeying with me!

For the record, I am single, a virgin, and don’t exactly have experience in the topic I want to talk about today.  Which is kind of why I want to talk about it.  There’s a ton of young people out there who, I’m pretty sure, have the same questions and challenges that I face in an area that’s not generally addressed in a realistic way.  So I want to open up and join the discussion on sex, purity, and all the stuff that goes with what I’ve found to be a fairly taboo subject.  Why?  Well, as I heard once, “if we don’t teach about sex, the devil will.”  I’ve learned some good stuff that has really helped me as a guy understand this better, and I want to help out anyone else who’s in the same boat.

Original Conception

A lot of guys would be embarrassed to admit that they’ve had a thought or two about sex.  Well look guys, let me be the first to admit it.  I have, you got me.  If that seems weird to you, perhaps you haven’t heard God’s opinion of sex.  He actually thinks it’s a great idea.  So great that, in fact, His VERY FIRST command to our ancestors was to “be fruitful and multiply”.  Ya, seriously.  But hey, this idea was His conception, after all (Get it? Conception? I know, funny..).  And you owe your life to Adam and Eve’s obedience of this command.  Nuff said.

God’s never been afraid to say a thing or two about this stuff.  I mean, there’s some racy stuff in the Song of Solomon.  The Old Testament is pretty frank about the issue; check out Judah and Tamar, Hosea’s dealings with his prostitute wife, Lot and his daughters, and many other such stories.

Let us correct St. Augustine’s thoughts – sex isn’t just a “necessary evil”.  God made it for our pleasure.

Quick Thought on Waiting for the One

Does this mean then that this is something simply at our disposal whenever and wherever we’d like to do it?  I don’t think so.  I believe that once you’re inside a marriage covenant, go nuts.  But till then, it’s best to hold off.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time in this article on why I believe that.  If you  find having sex whenever or with whoever will bring you eternal fulfillment, I have no reason to stop you.  Even if I were to, I’d wait till I get married so I can relate my own experiences 🙂  All I will say about this for now is that I want to be able to give a gift to my wife that I’ve never given to another woman, and would be overjoyed that she would do the same for me.  Sure, it can be a struggle to wait – but that’s what makes the victory so great at the end.  Thomas Paine said, “The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.  What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.”  There’s generally little satisfaction in getting something that you didn’t have to work for.

http://youtu.be/IlJFvxad1_A

Tips for Single Guys Like Me

I’d like to address those of us who want to stick it out till we find the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with.  Just so you know, I’m 22 years old and have not yet had an official girlfriend.  The world may find this kinda pathetic, but I am overjoyed at the prospect of being able to save so much for my one and only.

There’s all sorts of stuff that gets thrown at us to keep us off-track – the media, masturbation, friends getting married (and then suddenly disappearing off the planet.  Kinda uncanny), and such.  I’ve been through it all, so I’d just like to offer some encouragement to keep on the road.  Since I am a dude, some of the following may be more relevant to other guys.  Girls, however, will appreciate this post – about being ferocious and beautiful – by Lindsey Blackmore: Dedicated to women.

So, a key for making it through: you gotta find creative outlets to channel hormonal energy.  The last thing you want to do is make a decision based solely on your sex drive.  Your sex drive isn’t bad, it just needs to be guided.  Go write something, or build something.  Think about what you can do to prepare yourself for meeting the one – get your finances is order!  Travel the world!  Work out so you have the sexiest body on the planet!  Make sure you and God are tight!  You gotta keep busy; sitting around by yourself will not help.  It’s not ignoring, it’s preparing.  Relationships take time.   Biding time is done best with your lover, from what I understand, but sitting around alone will only make you desperate.

http://youtu.be/B28zpGQNm5k

Also, don’t be in a hurry.  Talk to married couples and ask them if they miss anything about the single life.  Ask yourself if you are willing to give all those things up now for what they have.  You won’t be sole owner of your life anymore.  This is crucial to understand in finding the one – entrusting your life into someone else’s hands for the rest of your days is kind of a big deal.

Marriage will not be about you, it will be about the other person.  So enjoy the single life when you can.  If you know you can enjoy the single life, you know that marriage can only be better – because you can think rationally about what you will sacrifice.  But if you marry because you’re desperate, you know that marriage will only be worse – because you’re doing it only for you.

Sex and marriage are going to be great, but they won’t be be the destination of life.  Remember, you’re generally still alive after the honeymoon is over.  The end goal is always to know God, and if your lover doesn’t help you do that – contrary to most popular songs lyrics and movies – you will never be fully, completely, continually satisfied.

A Word for the Ladies

One final thing I’d like to say, it doesn’t entirely fit in with the theme here but I felt I should put it in anyways.  This is for the girls, as a brother in the Lord:

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.  So don’t think you have to perform to receive love from guys.  We’re not all just after your bodies.  In fact, the girls I find most attractive are the ones that just open up and share what’s really on their hearts.  We enjoy spending time with you, and it actually builds us up to know that we can be helpful to girls.  You are valuable to us, so don’t sell out to guys who don’t respect you or treat you as royalty.  Thanks!

I’m no marriage counselor, just wanted to put my two cents in on a topic that Christians seem to be terrified of talking about.  And hey, hope no one feels condemned from this article.  If you’ve messed up in the past, trust me – God isn’t holding it against you.  I’d love to hear thoughts from other people who have other thoughts in this area.  Just wanted to let anyone who’s been fighting through these things know they’ve got someone out there doing the same.  Be blessed!

For further thoughts on this topic, check out XXX Church’s website, read Kris Vallotton’s book Sexual Revolution, or check out Dennis Bontrager’s 5-part series on this stuff here.